dbrycegh

This morning when Laura brought the kids in to wake me up, Riley said "Happy Fathers Day!" Lydia thought for a moment and said "Happy Birthday!" We all laughed. Laura assures me she had nailed it in rehearsal.

We had some yummy muffins to tide us over 'til brunch, then took the bikes to the shady park for a while. It was already nice and warm out, enough that the wind felt perfect. Lydia's getting brave with climbing, it can be a little nerve-wracking to watch.

Back to the house for brunch. Laura made me huevos rancheros. My brother-in-law came over and helped, and stayed to hang out with us all day. Lydia napped for a while, during which time I fiddled with bike accessories. Laura helped Riley with his own little bike, and he sweetly decided he wants to pull Lydia in the trailer behind him.

When the nap was over, we all went to the neighborhood pool here in our subdivision. We hadn't been yet. The kids had a ball and wore themselves out. Lydia indicated that she wanted to swim herself in the big pool, rather than being held, so I faced her away from me, held her up by her bottom and balanced her under the water. She is now 100% confident in her fictitious ability to swim. Her proud little smile is just impossibly endearing.

We had takeout barbecue for dinner. Riley was really tired, but super sweet to me. He rested his head on my hand for a bit, and melted my heart. (He's not like that often, and certainly not with me when he's got his Mommy right there.)

The day was one enormous gift. I wish I could box it up.

( The menu )

My mom's here visiting for the weekend, she got here last night. Riley's been pretty open with her, right from the beginning, which is great to see. He's interacting with her on a level that he hasn't before, it gives me hope that his communication issues are on the way out. Lydia showed some predictable skepticism of Mom at first but is warming to her quickly.

Thanksgiving might be my favorite holiday. It's so laid back, free of expectations. It's about appreciating, sharing, and food, and nothing else. It's a pity that it's perpetually eclipsed by Christmas in terms of travelling home. Hmm, maybe I should stop letting it be.

My grandfather passed away last night. He went quietly in his sleep, I can't ask for better than that. I'm mostly all right, I'm at the point where I'm just grateful for the time we had. But I miss him already, even though I haven't gotten to see him all that often since I moved from Missouri.

His funeral will be Wednesday afternoon. I don't feel like I need to attend for my own sake. Part of him is with me all the time. I'm debating going anyway, for the rest of my family, especially my aunts and uncles. But it would mean taking both of the kids, so that complicates the whole thing considerably. Everybody's going to be supportive either way.

I missed my grandmother's funeral two years ago, and it's not even guilt that I feel about it, but I just felt so isolated from my family, it still bothers me. I mean, I live almost 800 miles away, and even farther in recent years; it's not like I get a lot of chances to act like family. And Lord knows I've squandered enough chances already. But then I wonder if it's selfish of me to drag the kids out there for such a reason. On the other hand, it feels at least as selfish to be whining about the logistical difficulties of air travel with two kids. Anyway, I need to decide tonight, if I have any hope of making it there.

Update: I am going to go after all. Laura's taking a couple days off work to watch both kids, which frees me up to take late night flights. It'll be a really short trip, but I know I'll be glad I made it.

I found out yesterday that my Grandpa Bill has cancer in kind of a late stage. He's at the Mayo Clinic right now getting looked at, and within a few days he'll decide what course of treatment to take, if any. He cared for his wife Jeanette through her death by lung cancer, and so he knows only too well what he'd be facing with chemo.

Grandpa Bill is my hero. He's funny, creative, and adored by pretty much everyone. His personal theme song is "Accentuate the Positive," and he actually lives it. I try to follow that example, but I'm not nearly as good at it as he is.

And the man knows no embarrassment. He'll throw pride out the window to coax a smile from a child. And he sure can; children love him perhaps best of all.

He taught me how to fish. He helped me feel better when I accidentally swallowed a quarter. He came to all my performances and cried with pride. He let me drive his tractor.

And the thing is I know I'm just one of so many people he made feel special. He's a light in so many lives. It couldn't be less fair. My aunt Brenda said "He's had a hell of a life, I'll tell you that. But the thing is, he isn't finished. He just bought a plane!" And it's true, he'll never be at a good stopping point.

So we're all trying to accentuate the positive. His life is full of blessings and adventure, so we've got some good raw material in this effort. I have so much more to say about him, but I don't want to sit on this post for another day trying to write it better.

ETA: If you've ever seen the movie Big Fish, Ed Bloom reminds me a lot of Grandpa Bill. (And if you haven't, you should see it, it's an excellent movie. I really need to read the book.) Except Grandpa's more jovial; more like a cross between Ed Bloom and Santa Claus. And I don't have quite the same feeling that the son Will had of not knowing the real him, but I do wish we were closer.

Another of Riley's colds has nestled into my sinus network, and I can feel it in there now stretching out lazily. I seem to be handling it better than he did, though; poor guy was miserable for five solid days, got an ear infection and is now on antibiotics that he doesn't even like the taste of. He's hardly eaten anything solid for the past three days. But today he had a little of his gumption back, so here's hoping he's over it completely within a day or two.

My mom sent a couple MiniDV tapes of her reading fairy tales, along with the book she was reading them from, for the kids. I finally got them all burned onto a DVD today. I'm sure Lydia will just love it, I hope Riley will too in time. It's up against some stiff competition though. It was such a sweet idea, and bless my mom, she really pours her all into the readings. I just hope she's not disappointed with Riley's reaction when she comes to visit us in a couple of weeks. He's back in full mommy-fixation mode again. (I'm a distant second; I don't exist if she's around, but am a sufficient substitute when she's not and any other people try to make friends with him.)

aliste, we got the hat you made for Lydia. Thank you so much! It is adorable. I'll take a photo of her in it tomorrow to show you.

We're pretty settled into our new house in Knoxville. It's a ranch style, which is much easier on Riley. (He can manage stairs just fine, but when he gets whiny he'll insist on being carried up or down, and when we can't do that we get the total meltdown. A lack of stairs neatly sidesteps the whole problem.) It's got a garage, and more storage in general than our old house did. It's pretty centrally located, but Knoxville is sprawled, so we're still spending more time in the car than we did in Durham.

Plus ça change... Our days are much like they were in Durham just before we left: we're at home a lot, just trying to get through the day. We're getting a lot of support from Laura's mom and stepdad, though, and I'm feeling the benefit of that. I have felt a little isolated sometimes, only knowing about seven people in town besides Laura and the kids. And since all of those people are Laura's family, I'm always something of an adjunct, just by definition (not by any kind of unfriendliness or anything, it's just how it is).

But today I met some neighbors and had a great time. This afternoon Riley and I went over to our neighbor Jeremy's house so that I could jam with him on accordion. He plays guitar, mandolin, banjo, keyboards, and a few other things. He's quite a character, extremely friendly and open-minded. I accompanied his guitar and singing with just some really basic legato chords, but it sounded pretty good with the mostly folky songs he played. It was so much fun! He wants to work up a setlist and get some gigs with me. It worked pretty well today, I'm very encouraged. I'll be able to fill out the accordion part better once I know the songs, of course, so I'm really looking forward to practicing some more. Now to find the time -- and the real trick will be finding some when the practicing won't wake anybody up.

So we're having another baby. And today we found out that it's a girl! My parents have five grandsons already, so I imagine she'll be something of a princess. :) I feel a little more overwhelmed than I think I would've been with another boy; I feel like I've got a lot more to learn this way. But I am thrilled at the thought of a daughter.

She's due the first week of August. Riley came two weeks early, so we'll see. She's perfectly healthy, from all ultrasonic indications.

Her name is still very much up in the air. We didn't give girls' names much thought after we found out Riley was a boy. "Grace" is a strong candidate at the moment, but we'll be mulling it over for a while. I remember we didn't really decide Riley's until he was a couple days old.

Riley went to the ultrasound with us. He got nervous in the darkened room, and seeing mommy lying on the examination table and inaccessible, he cried. So I walked him around the halls outside for most of it. I briefly got to see the heart beating, and then later the baby's face in realtime 3D. Riley and I found a wagon sitting in a hallway corner, and that kept him pretty entertained while we were waiting. Laura's mom came too, and we all went for brunch afterwards. Just the thing. :)

They say that time is relative, and I believe it. In blatant defiance of my own temporal perception, Riley turned one year old today. I can't believe he was ever that small, and yet it can't have been more than a few weeks ago, can it?

I'm really enjoying being at home with him. I'm so glad I have the chance.

He's doing great. I could say he's walking, in that he does take some steps without support, but he's not yet stable enough to walk everywhere he goes. It won't be long though. His main problem is that his steps are too big.

He's pretty vocal, and he likes communicating with us. He parrots us a lot without knowing what he's saying, but he also clearly and consistently uses words to communicate. He recognizes even more words than he uses himself.

( A beginner's guide to Rilese. )

We had his birthday party here at the house, with about 15 adults and six kids. Everyone seemed to have a good time. Lots of good (and relatively simple) food. Knowing how Riley likes bananas, I decided on a banana chiffon birthday cake. And knowing how his mom and I like chocolate, I topped it with ganache instead of a glaze. :) It was delicious. (The only problem with it as a first birthday cake was that, being a tube cake, it hasn't got a center where you could put a single candle, so the candle placement had to be asymmetrical and looked a little funny. Any other year, you'd be able to balance it.)

( Here's the recipe. )

My Grandma Betty died Wednesday morning. She'd had cancer, discovered at an advanced enough stage that she decided not to treat it at all. I really respect her for having the strength to make the decision. As much as I love her and wish I had more time with her, I know everyone is happier that she suffered as little as possible. And I'm not sure it would have given her much more time anyway.

I'd known for a few months. She's always been reticent about health problems, preferring not to worry us. All along, she seemed as emotionally prepared for death as anyone could be. Knowing how she hated to worry her family, I wondered whether she was just putting on a brave face for us all. But when I spoke with her, and especially when I saw her in person, it was clear that she really was at peace with it. She was thankful for her life, and looking forward to heaven. She was always a strong person with strong faith.

I got to see her at Christmas, and I know it meant a lot to her to meet Riley, even though she was already basically confined to bed by that time. It was like a lot of visits in recent years: I felt like we never got into the real substance, we were just catching up on little daily details, and distracted by all the rest of the family. But this time it was probably just as well. I found it easier to keep from crying if I stuck to telling her about Riley and not focusing on the fact that it would, in all likelihood, be the last time I ever saw her.

If I can be called a nice person at all, I have Grandma to thank for teaching me by example. She never had an unkind word to say about anyone. She was always patient and supportive. I remember when I was little, she always treated me like a child in the good ways, like making me feel safe and loved, but she never patronized me or made me feel like my opinion was any less important than anyone else's. I wish I could have her guidance through my own parenthood journey.

She spent her last days at home, surrounded by family, with hospice care managing the pain as best they could. The funeral is this afternoon, and here I am a thousand miles away. I feel pretty lousy about it, but there it is. Apparently everyone else in my family is there.

I've been giving myself a pretty good subconscious thrashing lately for not being a better grandson, and just feeling sad in general because home won't ever be the same again. But I know that Grandma wanted us all to be happy. So I'm trying my best.